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  • Originally posted by Matt H. View Post
    Private Lessons - This movie is really something else. What the fuck were they thinking? It's about a 15 ("going on 16") year old (played by a real 16 year old) who gets seduced by Sylvia Kristel and the two have a straight-faced love affair, including strip teases, bath tub encounters and actual sex. It's awkward, it's insane and it was really made. I couldn't believe it, considering it was 1981, which really isn't that long ago. It has a great scene near the end where Ed Begley Jr. impersonates a detective that's more entertaining than anything else in the film.
    It's a wild film and you definitely wouldn't get it made now. It is the time of Pretty Baby though which I would say looks even weider to modern eyes. Blue Lagoon as well. People seem to have wanted to watch jail bait get it on back then. I actually don't mind the film. It's not the wittiest or most well made teen sex comedy but it keeps my interest with its weirdness.
    "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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    • Ghosted

      We have that thread about crap movie posters here but I wonder are any of them worse than this piece of visual idiocy from Apple who are using it to advertise their 9 figure film?

      As bad as it is though its probably better than the film itself. Fuck me. What a misbegotten effort on all fronts.





      "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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      • Primal Rage on Shudder. This movie is wild and ridiculous. Not that gory but the weird dialogue and performances are what make it so much fun.

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        • Sunday I watched Planet of the Apes (2001 version) for the first time since it played theaters. I forgot most of this movie except for the cameo scene in the middle of the movie. I didn't realize how there wasn't much humor in it, except for unintentional humor. First there was the scenes of the apes jumping half a mile high, which were obviously stunt men being pulled by cables. Then there was Tim Roth's overacting throughout. But funniest of all was the cameo by Mr. NRA himself, Charlton Heston, star of the original Apes movie in 1968, who here plays an ape who damned the humans that invented guns!

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          • Descendants. It was a wise choice to not have kids. I used to think the redeeming value of them would be you'd get to show them all the great movies. Now I have a 7 year old niece I realise it doesnt work like that. They don't want to sit while you show them The Princess Bride. They want you to sit while they show you Descendants. The movie and the TV show.
            "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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            • Marlowe - Thankfully, this was at the library, so I didn't have to pay anything to see it. I don't know why this was made. It's plays out like you'd expect; it's slow, uninvolving and it has endless scenes of characters talking about other characters that we don't really know. So many names. So boring. Except for an awesome head-crush gore gag near the beginning, the first hour is really tedious. It picks up a bit in the last half hour (including an outrageous action sequence that belongs in an '80s Cannon film) but the resolution of the mystery couldn't be more pointless. I realize that it's often the journey and not the actual plot that makes noirs fun, but the denouement here is so random as to be a joke (in fact Marlowe does make a joke about how stupid the whole thing was). Liam gets into a few fights, for the fans (not of Marlowe, but of Neeson). Waste of time.
              Why would anybody watch a scum show like Videodrome? Why did you watch it, Max?

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              • Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness - Yuck. I hated every minute of this. The only reason I wanted to see it was because of Raimi. It's like 15% Raimi and 85% committee. It makes SPIDER-MAN 3 look subtle. It's like someone puked CGI all over the screen and called it a feature. The reason I know this was a Raimi-for-hire is the fact that he had more taste when he made the first EVIL DEAD 40 years ago. I'm sure he made millions, which is nice. The only part that made me laugh was when Dr. Strange puked after his first trip through the multiverse.
                Why would anybody watch a scum show like Videodrome? Why did you watch it, Max?

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                • The Devil's Den-Learned this was a Jeff Burr movie. Then saw it has Ken Foree,Kelly Hu and Devon Sawa during that time when he looked like Lost Boys 3 era Corey Haim.

                  Take From Dusk Till Dawn add in some Tales from the Crypt Bordello of Blood and you get Devil's Den.

                  It's on TUBI if you gotta see it and dont want to pay for the OOP DVD.

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                  • Four Of The Apocalypse
                    Dang Fulci! Why you be cutting onions up in this bitch?! This movie sucker punched me right in the gut.
                    I had to watch a goofy John Candy movie (Delirious) afterwards, just to cheer myself up. Testi’s never been better, imo. Bleak but very awesome stuff! While not Fulci’s best, it’s up there. Only negative thing about it is the bland soundtrack.
                    https://www.instagram.com/moviemorpho83/

                    Oh, not on Cauliflower! Oh, not on Broccoli!

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                    • Originally posted by Nabonga View Post
                      Four Of The Apocalypse
                      Dang Fulci! Why you be cutting onions up in this bitch?! This movie sucker punched me right in the gut.
                      I had to watch a goofy John Candy movie (Delirious) afterwards, just to cheer myself up. Testi’s never been better, imo. Bleak but very awesome stuff! While not Fulci’s best, it’s up there. Only negative thing about it is the bland soundtrack.
                      Have you seen MASSACRE TIME? I think it's much better than 4 OTA. Great soundtrack too.
                      I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

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                      • Pacific Rim 2. Yup... Jesus.... what a mess. Suspension of disbelief continues to be a funny thing. If a movie wants to tell me that the logical way to fight giant, interdimensional monsters is to build giant robots then I will go with it. On the other hand, if you want to tell me that world governments are having to police the populace from building their own giant robots now I have a problem. I can't make the leap. I'm just sure that in the future they won't be worried about the man on the street building a hundred and fifty foot tall killing machine for the same reason governments are not concerned today about people building their own battleships.

                        And that's the setup for this. Worse, we're quickly introduced to a 12 year old girl who has built her own giant killing machine. If you hadn't noticed it's a thing in movies now that all 12 year old girls have to be scientific geniuses who have built their own Iron Man Suits, Shrinking Ray's, Time Machines etc.

                        Anyway, it doesn't get better from there. 180 million dollar movie and they couldn't bring back Charlie fucking Hunam. Surely anyone can book Hunam?!

                        Also the young Eastwood freaks me the fuck out when sometimes, from some angles, you mistake him for his dad.

                        Boyega deserved better.
                        "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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                        • Originally posted by Andrew Monroe View Post

                          Have you seen MASSACRE TIME? I think it's much better than 4 OTA. Great soundtrack too.
                          Oh yes I have. It’s certainly less bleak. Love that movie! Thinking about checking out Silver Saddle too but I read it’s pretty weak in comparison to 4 OTA and Massacre Time. Plus I’m not the biggest Gemma fan.
                          https://www.instagram.com/moviemorpho83/

                          Oh, not on Cauliflower! Oh, not on Broccoli!

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                          • I threw in the 4K disc of Heat on Friday night. I always remember that it’s a great movie, but I had forgotten how the movie instantly puts you into such a heavy vibe of inescapable tragedy right from the start. Also, the 4K version looks incredible.

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                            • Originally posted by Nabonga View Post

                              Oh yes I have. It’s certainly less bleak. Love that movie! Thinking about checking out Silver Saddle too but I read it’s pretty weak in comparison to 4 OTA and Massacre Time. Plus I’m not the biggest Gemma fan.
                              I am actually a big fan of Gemma, but SILVER SADDLE is below average. The kid in the film is annoying as hell.
                              I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

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                              • Watching Line of Duty now a days great show

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