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  • Originally posted by Alex K. View Post
    Richard Jewell. An "okay" film. Something you watch one day when there's nothing on and it leaves the impression that it was okay. It was fine. It's nice that it exists to vindicate this guy.

    Thinner. I remember the trailers from back in the day. A shockingly camp Stephen King adaptation. Cliche as hell but it starts to do something interesting an hour in when the formerly fat guy turns to the mafia to help him.
    I saw Thinner in the theatre and HATED it. I think mostly because of the actor who played the lead, and his dopey fat-guy-fat-suit face. I should probably see it again.

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    • Originally posted by Matt H. View Post
      Agreed about THE CROW, except I probably like it even less than you do. It's not a good movie and I think it's overpraised because of what happened to Brandon Lee.
      I loved it when it came out, I think starving for and glomming on to ANY kind of readily-available counterculture (if that makes any sense). Watched it a couple of years back, and was surprised at how bad I found it, and most of that is down to Lee's performance.

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      • HUNT THE MAN DOWN - Pretty nifty little B picture with Gig Young as a public defender who believes his accused killer client is innocent, searching for the real killer. Nice and tight at around 68 minutes and some familiar character actor faces in the supporting cast.
        I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

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        • Deathstalker (USA / Argentina, 1983) [VoD] - 2.5/5
          Watchable barbarian junk, weighed down by incomprehensible plot, cheap as shit production values and a completely charisma free mullet Rick Hill (where do they find these guys, gym?) as the hero. But it does have: a pig faced monster eating a pig head, naked lady 1, naked lady 2, naked lady 3 and so on, also severed head 1, severed head 2 etc., mud wrestling, and… you get the gist.

          Deathstalker II (USA / Argentina, 1987) [VoD] - 1.5/5
          Holy shit! Where did the cast for this one come from, a porn movie? Rick Hill's mullet deserved an acting Oscar compared to everyone in this one. John Terlesky (who?) is the new Deathstalker (“is that first name or last name?”), Monique Gabrielle plays not one but two roles (I don't know in which one she sucked worse) and there's the pig faced monster eating pig head again (stock footage, actually). And my God, villain John La Zar (from Beneath the Valley of the Dolls) gives the worst piece of shit performance in the entire movie. The whole film is a joke, and it only makes it worse the filmmakers are aware of it. Half star from one good zombie scene and Gabrielle's face and body.

          The Warrior and the Sorceress (USA / Argentina, 1984) [VoD] - 2.5/5
          Wandering warrior David Carradine plays Yojimbo with two rival gangs a tiny town. Carradine is a better actor and swordsman than most sword and sorcery or barbarian heroes; it's just a shame the storyline is completely void of originality and invention. And the creatures are puppets that look too much like bloody puppets. Kudos from Maria Socas spending the entire movie topless (there's also a four breasted stripper if two ain't enough for you), but the film really rests on Carradine's shoulders. The final duel, where he mixes swordplay and kung fu, is pretty good.

          She (Italy, 1984) - 3/5
          A goddess (Sandahl Bergman from Conan the Barbarian) walks into a cave full of boxes. Evil swordsmen jump out of the boxes and try to kill her, for no reason. Then a robot jumps out of a box and tries to kill her, for no reason. Then the robot's head explodes. This is one of the less bizarre, video game like challenges SHE encounters. But SHE is not really the main character because the story is about a guy looking for his sister, but HE ends up having much less screen time than SHE, although SHE no storyline of her own! Go figure. And you have to wait till the end credits to learn some of the main characters' names! A completely nonsensical post-apocalyptic barbarian adventure, based on a book from which it reportedly borrows nothing. Not great cinema, but entertaining insanity, partly because it's so nuts it's 100% impossible to predict what the fuck will happen next.

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          • Zac And Miri Make A Porno. When I found out Kevin Smith made a comedy about a couple making a porno we obviously had to watch it. The setup takes a bit of getting your head around. They have no money at all so they are making a porno to get back on track. Here's me, reasonably financially stable, going heavily into debt to do the same thing. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Also no way Seth Rogen gets near Elizabeth Banks. My sense of creduility can only be stretched so far.

            It's the first of a few missteps. For instance, Justin Long is by far the best character in it and he's out of the film 15 minutes in. So much scope for him to own that movie... And there's that wierd attitude to female sexuality that makes Chasing Amy a hard watch. I'm sure Kevin Smith is a pretty liberal guy but he has this wierd tic that women kind of need to be pure to be acceptable to our main man. Feels a bit icky.

            But it has funny bits. Jason Mewes describing the simple pleasure of a good Dutch Rudder was a highlight. And Rogen is one of those guys, like Justin Bateman, who I find hilariously funny without being able to identify why... Meh... partial thumbs up. It's bettter than Clerks 2. Quote for the cover.
            "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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            • Originally posted by Dom D View Post
              ut it has funny bits. Jason Mewes describing the simple pleasure of a good Dutch Rudder was a highlight. And Rogen is one of those guys, like Justin Bateman, who I find hilariously funny without being able to identify why... Meh... partial thumbs up. It's bettter than Clerks 2. Quote for the cover.
              "Ah! By god's balls what licentiousness!"

              Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom.

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              • TNT Jackson (USA / Philippines, 1974) [VoD] - 2.5/5
                A Cirio H. Santiago kung fu / blaxploitation mash-up with plentiful nudity. Set in, but obviously not always filmed in, Hong Kong. It's C-grade stuff with Jeannie Bell pretending she can do kung fu, but you kind of forgive her when she does it topless! Has some clumsy charm, and is better paced and has a more charismatic lead than Santiago's inept Fly Me (the “Stewardesses vs. the world's most incompetent kung fu killers” film) from a year earlier.

                Wheels of Fire (Philippines, 1985) [VoD] - 3/5
                A surprisingly good Mad Max derivative with one-impression hero Gary Watkins chasing wasteland bandits who kidnapped his sister ('82 playmate Lynda Wiesmeier). The action is non-stop with occasional bits of originality, Wiesmeier frequently loses her top, and the acting isn't that bad either (villain Joe Mari Avellana makes pretty solid b-film crook). And perhaps most importantly, the post-apocalyptic desert is lively enough with heroes, villains and strange societies to keep this a notch above the cheaper post apocalypse pictures. Director Cirio H. Santiago certainly has done worse films.



                The Sisterhood (USA, 1988) [VoD] - 1.5/5
                Cirio H. Santiago undoes any good post-apo vibes left by Wheels of Fire (1985) with this dull dud that may have been intended as a children's movie but ended up with an R-rating. In the future men have enslaved all women except THE SISTERHOOD aka two riders one of whom can move light objects with the thought of mind and the other who fires blue beams from her eyes. Yeah, really! Void of graphic violence and with only tiny glimpses of nudity (body doubles for the leads), this comes out as overlong, misguided picture best suited for little girls who like ponies, complete with an odd 80s video game musical score. It only comes alive at the end when the gals find a war wagon and assault rifles, enabling them to go girls with guns.

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                • NIGHT PATROL - Painfully unfunny comedy that features Linda Blair (who obviously had horrible taste in scripts) in a typically weak performance, plus Billy Barty (as the constantly-farting police chief) and a horrible hack comedian known as "The Unknown Comic", plus Andrew "Dice" Clay, who appeared in another dreadful comedy, WACKO, around the same time.. I was so happy when this POLICE ACADEMY-style spoof was finally over. I wanted to own it so I could have three movies by Jackie Kong on Blu-ray. There's no way I'd ever watch this again.

                  SKATETOWN U.S.A. - This was a plotless bit of crap that I nevertheless enjoyed, mainly because the Blu-ray really showed off the colourful photography - so it's nice eye-candy. It also has Patrick Swayze in his first role, as the bad guy, Ace. He runs a crew of bad boys who cheat to win the rollerskating competition (their methods of cheating provide the most amusing moments) and there's Scott Baio in there as well. Now, in some sort of horrible coincidence, as the credits were playing at the beginning, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that none other than Billy Barty is in this goddamn movie too and if that wasn't frightening enough... so is "The Unknown Comic"! What are the chances of seeing these two weirdos in two random dumb comedies in the same weekend? If that weren't horrible enough, the scene with "The Unknown Comic" has him come out on stage and do the same 5 horrible jokes he did in NIGHT PATROL!!! I thought I'd died and gone to Hell.
                  Why would anybody watch a scum show like Videodrome? Why did you watch it, Max?

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                  • ^lol

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                    • Pet Semetary 2019. Late last year I went through a phase of watching the bad 80s King adaptions. Thinner, Needful Things, Pet Semetary. I think what stands out about all those films is a basic lack of taste. I love King but he's a pretty crude writer and often his seemingly stream of conscience ramblings come off fine in book form where we have his voice to guide us but just seem ridiculous when actors in heavy makeup are trying to carry it off. Pet Semetary was definitely an example of that. That xombie ghost whos guiding the wife? Awful. The sister with the bent back? Horrible. The Ramones track at the end? Death. And I love that track, it just couldn't be more inappropriate for the film.

                      So, anyway, I was well in mind of how terrible the original was and went in expecting a lot better. The surprise was this is basically the same as the original. The reimagining that was badly needed is missing. The small things they change were improvements but there's no vision here as how to make this horribly morbid story watchable. There's an interesting thread here to tug on when the dead daughter moves back in but they don't do anything with it.

                      And they still went with The Ramones track. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... the cat was a superstar but.
                      "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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                      • I thought the ending was good. Apparently, Paramount rushed the remake into production because they were about to lose the rights to it.
                        "Ah! By god's balls what licentiousness!"

                        Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom.

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                        • I concur! Although I have to add though that Belinda Balaski and Merrie Lynn Ross are pretty hot too!

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                          • Psycho 2. Am I nuts or was this actually quite good? My expectations could not have been lower going in but this almost had a giallo vibe. It also has this air that "all is not what it seems" and that the filmmakers have a big twist in store. As it turns they don't, and all is pretty much as it seems after all, but I appreciate the effort to put me off balance.
                            "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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                            • Psycho 2 was well received on release and it's reputation has only grown since. One of the finest sequels alongside Aliens and Godfather 2. Not to mention Return of the Living Dead 3.
                              "Ah! By god's balls what licentiousness!"

                              Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom.

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                              • It's quite excellent indeed. I just rewatched it today, thanks to you guys reminding me about it. Some frustrating "is it real or imagination" bits during the first 45 min, but the rest is really solid, as thriller and as tragic character study. Superb use of the mansion as well, Shinji Mikami must've had this film playing on repeat when he made the 1st Resident Evil video game.

                                + Meg Tilly is totally hot

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