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"Dear god, that looks bloody awful"

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  • "Dear god, that looks bloody awful"

    Frequently I see terrible trailers for upcoming films and feel the need to whine and moan like a little girl about how shit they look but I also don't want to start a thread just for a bad movie. Here's a place to share said trailers.

    First up, Marlowe:



    A review online informs me that this is the 11th iteration of the knight in tarnished armour. I can only remember half a dozen off the top of my head. None of them nailed the character. Gould probably got closest but there was a bunch of hippie nonsense in his characterisation that didn't sit well with me, much as I may like the movie.

    I think we can all agree though that Liam Neesom is not the best choice. Of the current crop I'd probably go with Miles Teller but theres a few names I'd call before I got around to offering it to elderly Irishmen. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw...

    Anyway, not based on a Chandler book but some more recent writers authorised Chandler knockoff. Reviews are diabolical and it is bizarrely ugly. So many streaming shows have done 40s LA that I'm used to it looking great and not at all like this. What's with that yellow wash over the night time shots? Looks like a student's first effort in Davinci Resolve.

    One of the very annoying trailers where i know that a) I'm going to hate the film and b) I'm definitely going to see it.
    Last edited by Dom D; 01-29-2023, 12:57 AM.
    "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

  • #2
    The Chandler pastiche is by John Banville, the director's Neil Jordan, the screenwriter did KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, and the cast is a hell of a party. I'll see it, but Neeson's no Wayne Rogers, for sure. Now i want to watch a coupla CITY OF ANGELS eps.

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    • #3
      Many years ago, Neil Jordan directed one of the best neo-noirs ever made IMHO ('Mona Lisa'), so you'd kind of hope he'd be able to retain a basic grasp on where a project like this should be coming from.... but no, got to agree, this trailer looks almost irredeemably awful.

      What really gets me is the narration and snippets of dialogue; "Los Angeles, city of angels, tonight it's more like..." - oh, fuck off. Not so much as a hint of Chandler's wit there; everything anyone says in these 3 minutes is just obvious and stupid, and when we get to blazing tommy-guns, car crashes and that bloody score - sorry, I'm out.

      Could the whole thing be an OTT parody of Hollywood bombast, and no one's noticed yet? Seems about the only possible flicker of hope.
      https://breakfastintheruins.blogspot.com/
      http://stereosanctity.blogspot.com/

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      • #4
        Lookin' good, love the authentic locations! Chandleresque!

        A Chandleresque detective exits what is clearly the Bradbury Building

        Apologies for the Wayne Rogers, I'm just getting strong flashbacks here.

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        • #5
          "You'll keep looking, because you can't STOP!" -- Alan Cumming

          Love a film that watches its own self.

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          • #6
            As far as I'm concerned, the best Marlowe portrayals are Bogart in THE BIG SLEEP and Dick Powell in MURDER, MY SWEET. Timeless films that never age and can be watched over and over - as I do.
            I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.

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            • #7
              As much as that trailer makes me want to watch the car crash happen on the biggest screen I can find ... I simultaneously despair at the thought of watching a once brilliant director soil both himself and the screen in public.

              That was, quite honestly, the most depressing thing I've yet seen this year. Blimey!

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              • #8
                To be fair, Jordan didn't cut that trailer. Some fucking hack did, just like most modern trailers. I'm sure Jordan was just as depressed after he saw it.
                Why would anybody watch a scum show like Videodrome? Why did you watch it, Max?

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                • #9
                  The trailer cutter can only work with the materials he's handed. It's not like he got to re-grade / re-time / re-shoot the footage. No, the atrocity I watched earlier was all Jordan's doing. It's just BAD.

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                  • #10
                    A bit harsh, but fair enough.
                    Why would anybody watch a scum show like Videodrome? Why did you watch it, Max?

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by null View Post
                      It's not like he got to re-grade / re-time / re-shoot the footage.
                      I'm reading that Jordan gave Blade Runner to his DoP as the exemplar for the look he was after. I think those really strangely graded shots are an amateur attempt to replicate those nice orangey scenes Deakins shot.

                      "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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                      • #12
                        I ... uhhh ... Wow. Seriously?!?!? Dom, can you share a link or other reference? That's just a whole new level of broken.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by null View Post
                          I ... uhhh ... Wow. Seriously?!?!? Dom, can you share a link or other reference? That's just a whole new level of broken.
                          I was slightly misremembering. It was the 82 Bladerunner Jordan was referencing. From wikipedia:

                          "Jordan cited the 1982 film Blade Runner as an influence on the film's look, stating, "I'm making a film set in L.A. in the past, but somehow it's a sci-fi film. […] It was a good reference for the designers and camera team."[11]"
                          "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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                          • #14
                            Blood And Gold



                            Yup, that looks bloody awful. Full disclosure, I am probably going to at least start this movie. Not sure why. Possiby some deep seated self loathing Im not aware or something? I don't know.

                            In any case looks like a dime store straight to video job that has Netflix pushing it like its a real movie.
                            "Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right." Hyman Mandell.

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