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Released by: Cult Epics
Released on: July 8th, 2014.
Director: Various
Cast: Horny Europeans
Year: 1970's
The Movie:
It has been some time since Cult Epics has released a new entry in their Vintage Erotica line up but that time is now upon as and this time around they tackle a decade near and dear to the hearts of many… the seventies! Here we get twelve new short films from Europe, all presented uncut for your viewing enjoyment.
LOVE-IN: A group of hippies wander through a field, one is holding a sign that reads LOVE IN. They all sit in a circle and share sausages (literally) and bread. They also pass around a giant bottle of red wine. From there, they split up into couples, strip and get it on. One guy has a big old Amish beard and a really pretty girl looks like Jane Birkin but isn't. It's a big dirty hippie orgy in a field. One girl pees and another girl plays guitar and then everyone dances and after that they all go back to screwing. After that they enjoy some flowers and roast a pig. This one is silent save for some Morricone-esque background music.
HOCHWURDEN SPRITZT MAL WIDER: Two attractive Euro-lesbians are on a train. One has a banana and uses it on the other, who then takes control and uses it on herself while he pal ogles her. They've both got nice black stockings on and this one has live sound, which is nice. They watch each other get into some self love, after which a priest spies them. He comes into their car and lifts up his gown to expose a divining rod of his own. They take full advantage of this and off you go, it's a three-way. Someone is going to have to go to confession when this is done!
DER STRICH: Two dudes in a silver Mercedes Benz pick up a pair of hookers and bring them back to a swinging pad with two beds and walls painted yellow. This one is silent, but there's some funky music with a nice bass line playing over top. The dudes then proceed to bang the chicks one at a time, one girl has curly red hair and the other is a blonde. Eventually the two couples intertwine and then they switch it around a bit, each one getting a shot with the other. Lots of group action here, some taboo busting too. We won't go into too much detail but it gets messy!
UNTITLED: At some sort of pier, hookers congregate and smoke cigarettes. Two of these hookers - a black haired lady and a blonde - wind up in a bar and have hot lesbian sex while some weird polka-esque music plays in the background. A bartender doesn't seem to pay much attention to this at first but then realizes what's going on and kicks them out. They head out and find a sailor, mutter at him in what sounds like German, and then take him back to the bar where there's all sorts sexy shenanigans going on! Then it just sort off ends.
CAFí‰ DE PARIS: French style accordion music plays over this silent loop where two girls sit at a café in Paris and talk to dudes. They head back with a guy (he sure as shit looks like Richard Allan from a lot of Alpha France titles), much to the chagrin of the waiter who was late with their drinks! He follows them, and wouldn't you know it he winds up back at the other guy's apartment with the ladies. A third chick walks in and plays the piano while the two dudes bang the other two chicks. That's definitely Richard Allan, and he's wearing a red ascot. The dudes finish up but the girls keep going and there's a whole lot of lesbian three way action here… until ascot man springs to life again and goes in for round two. Vive le France!
DIE STRAND FOTOGRAF: This one also has live sound, again, in German. No subs on any of this stuff, but you'll have no trouble figuring out what goes on. In this short a photographer chats up a pretty brunette on a beach. Before you know it, he finds an auburn haired lass wandering around and convinces her to pose for his camera. She obliges and lots of naughty photography ensues, followed by some sex. The brunette wonder where he's gone off to, finds them getting it on and then joins in. This lucky shutterbug gets himself a three way and has the pictures to prove it!
SUSSES DESSERT: This silent short begins at an airport but quickly moves to a car and then an apartment as a blonde dude escorts a pretty lady to… some parks. They check out statues and… more statues. Then they eat some food and enjoy some white wine. He rubs her legs under the table and this apparently does it for her because after that they and another couple head to dude's apartment. The girls get down and an orgy breaks out. Lots of IKEA style wall hangings here and some nifty seventies fashions on display too. A third girl watches secretly and plays with herself, when she gets busted they bring her into the room and get her with a sex toy. The end!
DAS BUMSQUARTETT AM SWIMMINGPOOL: Disco plays overtop of this silent short where a blonde makes out with one dude and a different blonde with longer hair makes out with another. They are, as the title implies, near a swimming pool. They head towards the water and get naked, and as they swim around a bit they decide to have a make out party. The girls get passed around and there's lots of kissing and then more than kissing. Both girls have cool blue eye shadow, Seka style. Everyone eventually gets out of the pool and continues screwing until they're done.
DIE BUMSSCHEIBE: A guy with a beard and glasses talks in German into a microphone about… something. We see weird illustrated placards that note some credits: “Der springer von bockenheim,†“stargast: Marianne Hosenschweif†and “die samenschleuder von wixhausen.†You know, stuff like that. From here a dark haired lady in some fancy stockings and big black boots gets boned by a weird dude in a room with a lot of white furniture. Once buddy finishes up, the gal from the loop approaches the announcer guy and then he heads into a different room where there's a blonde all decked out in lingerie. She does a strip tease and plays with herself and then finds a banana and… what's with the Europeans and bananas?
RUMS-SKANDAL IM NACTHLOKAL: This silent loop begins with a guy pouring champagne onto the body of a naked lady while another naked lady wanders around. This is a topless club of some sort, and the disco is hot. In various backrooms guys and gals are making out and getting it on in various ways. There's a student and a teacher, some dudes and a waitress (not really sure how one fits with the other, this seems edited quite haphazardly!) and then the general crowd. One guy gets a foot job from a gal in fishnets and then a news reporter interrupts the teacher and the student for an interview of some sort.
ABARTIGE BEGIERDEN: Another silent short with music overtop, this one starts with a blonde and a brunette talking at a café of some sort. Blue and white checkered tablecloths are the order of the day. They have some ice cream and then we see them at a pool, naked, where they run around, read porn together and then get dressed for a bike ride that takes them to the apartment of a bald guy. He lets them in and hands them some wine, after which he gets the blonde to put on some fetish wear. She does, and he makes out with the brunette while she wanders around on all fours. The blonde gets tied up under a glass table that the other two screw on, the guy kinda looks like Vladmir Putin. Eventually the blonde gets free of her shackles and they have a three way in which he puts on a strap-on for a while, before taking that off in favor of his actual wang.
TEALOVE: This one is set in the late 1800s or something. A blonde and a guy with shaggy hair twirl around in slow motion in a park while a guy in a bowler hat looks sad. Then a guy with no hat watches a brunette fuck herself through a keyhole. Switch back to the park and the guys take the girl back to the house where the other action is going on. They all talk in German and there's probably a plot of some sort here. The girl from the park gets it on with the other girl, dude is still peeing in through the door, and then the girls rejoin the two guys for some under the table shenanigans and a game of footsie. They split off into two couples and screw, while the guy who was peeping puts a record on the old timey record player.
The disc also includes two so called “USA BONUS FILMS.†They are:
UNTITLED 1: In this silent loop with music over top, three girls sit around a Christmas tree and unwrap presents. They all got sex toys! With their new toys unwrapped, they get around to trying them out as they have a big, sweaty, rad lesbian orgy. One girl got a strap on and somehow manages to make it pee at the end.
UNTITLED 2: Two girls and one guy hit a circular bed for a three way. They undress and the music fills in the sound space of this silent loop. The girls more or less have their way with this guy. The ladies are wearing cool matching hats and the guy has HUGE sideburns and remarkably round hair.
Video/Audio/Extras:
Each of the shorts on this disc are presented in their original 1.33.1 fullframe aspect ratio and transferred from film. They haven't been fully restored so expect a fair bit of print damage and plenty of visible scratches but that doesn't really detract from the experience much as all of this is surprisingly watchable and in decent, if far from perfect, condition. Colors are faded pretty consistently throughout the collection and black levels all over the place but the disc is well authored and not plagued by compression artifacts or edge enhancement problems.
The audio is on par with the video, sort of. A lot of this stuff was shot without sound (and so Cult Epics has put 'period music' on the disc to provide some welcome background noise), but the few that do have sound as noted above are fine. Expect some hiss and pop now and then. Subs would have been nice for the German language shorts but even without them, you'll have no trouble figuring out what's going on.
Extras? There are none, just a static menu offering loop selection (though you could count the two American shorts as bonus features if you like, no one will hold that against you).
The Final Word:
Vintage Erotica anno 1970 is a pretty eclectic mix of smutty shorts from seventies Europe, the kind that offer kitschy entertainment value and sex appeal in equal parts. This DVD from Cult Epics offers up a whole lot of wacky adult fun in decent enough shape and those who enjoy 'entertainment for grown ups' from decades past ought to get a kick out of this compilation.
