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Centerfold Fever

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  •  
    Todd Jordan
    Smut is good.

  • Centerfold Fever



    Released by: Video-X-Pix
    Director: Richard Mailer (Richard Milner)
    Cast: Kandi Barbour, Samantha Fox, Tiffany Clark, Susan Nero, Annie Sprinkle, Ron Jeremy, Marc Stevens, R. Bola
    Year: 1981
    Purchase From TLA Video

    The Movie:

    B. Scuzzi (played by R. Bola) runs the men's magazine Female Skin and he's looking for a new centerfold girl. Being the crafty cannibal bait that he is, Scuzzi puts an ad in the paper for a female reporter for a high class national magazine knowing he'll get his new talent. His photographer, the internationally known so-called The Maniac (Ron Jeremey) is to accompany his first reporter/potential centerfold girl to the home on none other than Marc Stevens for an interview. Determined to dispel rumors his wang isn't the 10½ inches he claims it to be, he makes the reporter (Kandi Barbour) measure it. She helps is grow by swallowing it. The Maniac has his way with Marc's maid out on the balcony while Stevens balls his ol' Lady, Jill Munro. Scuzzi decides Kandi doesn't cut the mustard, so on with the next one. The next girl on the block, Heather (Tiffany Clark) is to interview the latest centerfold girl that The Maniac is shooting that very day. Heather's assignment goes south in a hurry, south of the waistline that is. Gentle music accompanies some hot lesbo action which turns into a photo shoot. The Maniac knows an opportunity then he sees it in more ways than one. He can't contain himself and gets in on the action. But the dizzy dumb chick forgot to write the story and so didn't get the job. Lucky for her though, the photos get published without the story, and in the centerfold.

    Enter test subject #3, Susan (not Nero, she shows up later). “You gotta give head to get ahead” she says and gets right to it with Scuzzi and his secretary. Looks like her plan worked because she got an assignment. There's a new porno star at the theater, the audience. Seems this one place downtown is a den of sin and people screw in it all the time. So Susan (Samantha Fox) goes to a porno theater to check out the story that ends up being a blow job party right there in the seats. Suddenly The Maniac shows up at the theater with Heather, convincing her that she needs to do a better job than the other prospective reporters so she can get the gig with Female Skin. She is instantly recognized by pervs in the audience for her photo spread and chased out by the rabid dogs. “Sign my dick!” Turns out the centerfold she was in was a smash hit and everyone wants to have a piece of her.

    E.Bola brings Heather to a party put on by Stag Magazine, which features a dominatrix with a gigantic dildo in a wacko lesbo scene. Then, let the disco dance party get down and groove. Sure Nero shines in her shiny blue pants (told you she shows up later) and gets it on with some other ladies for a story Susan from the movie theater is trying to get for the magazine. Turns out she's there to offer some competition for the budding reporter Heather (isn't she already the centerfold girl? Wait, what?), but does little more than record grunts and groans of a boobie fest. Marc Stevens and Jill Monro are also there and they perform a sexy disco dance number for everyone's pleasure.

    But there's one more story to cover. Annie Sprinkle (as Annie, but not Annie Sprinkle) is there giving a tri-bj and The Maniac lets everyone know she sucks dick like no one you've ever seen. Now that's a scoop. Hey look, it's Bobby Astyr in the circle. Go Bobby! Annie treats us to her “Bossum Ballet” and then treats The Maniac to an amazing hummer, giving instruction to the readers as she works it until The Maniac goes nuts with his nuts. Story of the year. Sadly Scuzzi never found his centerfold girl (wha? how about Heather?). Your centerfold is out there Scuzzi…she's out there…

    Good stuff. The opening credits feature a montage of early 80s girlie mags, with a photo spread for many of the starlets and studs porking in the movie. Acting is good across the board and the sex is pretty steamy. The pacing is nice, as there is a great balance between the sex and non-sex scenes and the sex scenes don't go on for 20 minutes each. Lots of bad jokes and somewhat funny dubbing (it almost sounds like Ron Jeremy did a bunch of squishy noises with his mouth) and plenty of repetitive but catchy music pads the plow scenes. R. Bola and Ron Jeremy have a good chemistry as the editor and his photographer which helps keep the show entertaining. There're plenty of folks in this one, providing a variety of naked people to keep things interesting. Sadly Sue Nero was criminally underused as was Bobby Astyr, but it's cool seeing them do their thing.

    Video/Audio/Extras:

    The video and audio quality is nothing to get excited over. The 4:3 aspect of a film most probably not shot in that aspect is clearly from a tape source, albeit a nice tape source, but there isn't any real issues to mention. Things look good just not great. Colors are decent though and there doesn't appear to be any aliasing. Audio sounds fine, with the aforementioned groovy music, and the dialogue is clear and plainly audible. For extras, just some trailers seen on other Video-X-Pix releases: “A Scent of Heather”, “Babylon Blue” (Bridget Monet looks a bit like Eliza Dushku, doesn't she?), “Inside Seka”, and “Roommates”.

    The Final Word:

    Worth picking up. Quality end-of-an-era smut that delivers the goods should keep you smiling.




























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