Released by: Scorpion Releasing
Released on: 11/8/2011
Director: David Wellington
Cast: Wings Hauser, Lynne Adams, Pierre Lenoir, Barbara Jones, Ron Lea
Year: 1988
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The Movie:
Good ol' Martin (Pierre Lenoir) can't keep his weenie zipped up and when his wife Alice (Lynne Adams) finds out he's porking his female students, she turns to extreme measures. She cuts up one of his suits with a pair of scissors. Lock that crazy bitch up and throw away the key. After a stint in the nuthouse for an undisclosed amount of time, she is released back into the world, despite her hallucinations. Martin knows just how to make her feel better: move into an unfinished house.

Why is it unfinished? Well according the Sheriff Sweaty (Ron Lea), courtesy an unannounced visit (where he eats donuts like a pig), the previous owner went into debt building the house they just moved into and started murdering bill collectors right in the very house they were living in. They fried that guy in the electric chair, and he never got to finish the house. Welp, see you later Sheriff! Thanks for the exposition!

This gets Alice's attention because she has run into a mysterious carpenter (Wings Hauser) who works all night and never stops. She figures it's just a hallucination of hers and she kind of likes it. Who cares if she dreams about his pud being a power tool? Her husband is a suck-ass, so a fake-ass boyfriend can't be any worse. As time wears on, people who upset Alice start to come to harm in not-so-gruesome ways until Alice finally reaches her limit and has enough. Look out Carpenter, you're about to fall victim of one of the worst “kill the killer” endings ever.

The Carpenter suffers from one critical thing: it isn't a good movie. For a slasher movie, which this is more of than a haunted house story, it's pretty tame by way of bloodshed. It's there, but just not what fans come to expect, especially when considering all the slasher movies that came before it. The cover art says “Uncut” (the VHS said “Unrated”) but what is on the screen isn't anything more than can be seen on primetime television. Maybe not television in the late 80s, but still it's a pretty big claim that doesn't live up to its own hype. Wings Hauser isn't very menacing in this, especially when thinking about his role as the brutal Ramrod in Vice Squad. It's not that his acting isn't good, it's that his character isn't scary. At least not by homicidal, circular saw-wielding maniac standards one might expect (or hope for). The rest of the acting is okay, when you take into account the low budget roots, but one person that stood out was Ron Lea as Sheriff J.J. Johnston. He showed up at the house for no other reason than to tell Alice about the atrocities that happened in the house. He's drenched in sweat, shoveling mini donuts down his hole, and stealing the movie. Not that he had much to steal.

It was filmed in Canada, but can't have taken place there since they don't have a death penalty, and even when they did they didn't use the electric chair. At any rate, the story plods along slowly, the “romance” between the crazy lady and the psycho ghost is foolish, and there's not one shred of nudity. If you're going to make a movie of this nature and you cheap out on the violence, you HAVE to show skin. Give the people the type of movie they want and they you give back what you want: money, success, and maybe even cult status. The Carpenter gives the people nothing, which is probably why it slipped into home video obscurity.

Video/Audio/Extras:
With a an aspect of 1.78:1, the movie looks pretty good here, with plenty of film grain and not much by way of particles from dirt. The colors don't pop, but they don't looked washed out either. Some of the lower lighting scenes suffer a little bit, but it's minor. The audio is a mono track and sounds just fine. No real noticeable issues to mention, and the balance seems correct. Overall they did a nice job with the transfer.

As for extras, there's not much. Aside from trailers for other Scorpion Releasing titles (The Devil Within Her, Humongous, Final Exam, The Incubus, The House On Sorority Row, and The Pyx), you have the option of watching the movie with an intro and outro hosted by Katarina Leigh Waters, a TNA Knockout. She gives a few facts about the movie and shares some opinions. The DVD cover is reversible, displaying the cover art with or without the “Katarina's Nightmare Theater” banner across the top. Sometimes the extras for a crappy movie make owning the DVD worth it. Such is not the case with this one.

The Final Word:
Wings Hauser as a murderous ghost? How can you go wrong with that? Apparently you can, and someone did, and we forever have The Carpenter as proof.