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Gwar: Orgasmageddon

    Ian Jane

  • Gwar: Orgasmageddon

    Gwar: Orgasmageddon
    Released by: Dynamite Entertainment
    Released on: March 21st, 2018.
    Written by: Matt Maguire, Matt Miner
    Illustrated by: Jonathan Brandon Sawyer, Matt Maguire
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    The first issue of this new Gwar series from Dynamite Entertainment starts off with a quick origin - ages ago Gwar were banished by The Master from their home planet of Scumdogia and sent off to Earth where they had sex with apes and created humanity. When they triggered the Ice Age, they were frozen until the eighties when a crack dealer named Sleazy P. Martini found them, defrosted them and turned them into a heavy metal band. The incarnation of the group in this series is made up of Blothar, Balsac The Jaws Of Death, Jizmak Da Gusha, Beefcake The Mighty and their bodyguard Bonesnapper.

    When the story starts off, the band is playing Slaughterama in front of a crowd that they then proceed to massacre in true Gwar fashion. Just as the show comes to an end, Sawborg Destructo appears, ordering Gwar on behalf of The Master to return with him. It turns into a bloody battle but Slymenstra Hymen and her new 'companion' Estrogina Lugubrious show up just in time to take him out. Sawborg wasn't alone, however, as moments later a giant penis shaped spaceship plows through the wall and Mr. Perfect appears, hoping to assimilate Sawborg's DNA into his own in order to further his quest to 'discover the ultimate balance of mind, body and power.' Given that Mr. Perfect was the one who murdered Gwar's original vocalist Orderus Urungus, they don't take kindly to him and another bloody fight breaks out.

    Eventually Gwar wind up in the 'meat rocket' which has the ability to travel through time. Without really knowing what they're doing or how to operate the ship, they wind up at their first destination - feudal Japan - where they're met by a troop of samurai warriors that mistakes them for invading Koreans. When the meat rocket slips up, they shift to colonial era America where Gwar surmises that the British red coats they encounter are actually the agents of their enemy Cardinal Syn. Mass slaughter ensues. Back in the meat rocket, they come to the realization that they have no control over where they're going until the ship gets fixed - Pustulous is working on it, but these things take time… and before he can get anywhere the band will visit the Hindenburg, a certain heroin loving grunge icon in Seattle and a murder scene in Los Angeles involving 'that guy from the Hertz commercials.'

    When we catch up with the scumdogs of the universe, they're fighting dinosaurs - all of them, it seems. They kill all the dinosaurs and then use the Neanderthals to have a giant BBQ. The Neanderthal women left behind are impressed by Blothar's endowment - it seems that GWAR, since taking out the dinosaurs, are now being treated as gods! And then the Meat Rocket shows up and they're off to their next stop…

    …Nazi Germany, a stop chosen by new recruit Estrogenia! Greeted by some Nazi soldiers upon their arrival, GWAR get rid of them in some pretty grisly ways - eyes are popped out, dicks are ripped off, limbs are severed, that type of thing. When some Hitler Youth show up, same deal - mass slaughter - after which, looking for something to drink, the alien horde make their way into Hitler's bunker where we learn that not only was he a shitty painter, but that he had a 'tiny white-power pecker' as well. Slymenstra and Estrogenia give Hitler's lady Eva some of Sleazy's special bath salts and she hulks out and pays him back in kind. But at least they save his dog, Blondi!

    Elsewhere, the battle between Mr. Perfect and Sawborg Destructo rages on. Perfect is concerned that GWAR are advancing through the timeline faster than expected, and he realizes he needs to get rid of Sawborg for the time being to find a way to slow GWAR down - to do this? His newest creation, Minion Q, a weird snake cyborg thing that heads off to meet them in Mesoamerica..!

    Picking up where the second issue left off, Sawborg Destructo has been tossed into a time portal leaving Mr. Perfect to focus his attention back on GWAR who have been travelling through time themselves. When this issue starts, GWAR are in the midst of fighting a monster called the Krakunt in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean while the Titanic sinks behind them. As they go head to head against the Lovecraftian vagina monster, the tide of battle turns when births a half dozen pint sized monsters while Pustulus ponders the origins of their foe.

    When GWAR makes it back to their 'nice warm dick ship' in time to feed Hitler's dog blondie (who they rescued from Der Fuhrer last issue), the ship that Pustulus thinks he's fixed takes them to Italy circa 1507. Separated from the others, Beefcake looks for an Olive Garden and Estrogenia feels romance in the air. Who should then appear to the two of them? With a familiar 'Sexcuse me' he appears…. The Sexecutioner! But he's not the only character from their past that they encounter in this time slip - not by a long shot - as GWAR once again makes the world a worse place just by existing.

    Bill Cosby jokes, hentai gags, references that go all the way back to tracks on Hell-O, fat jokes, bad puns, farts, severed dicks and whale fucking - does that make this the best issue yet? Yes it does. Not only is the humor completely on point and not only do we get some genuinely interesting twists in the storyline that are not only funny but also rather poignant, we also get some genuine progression in the whole time travel storyline. If the first two issues used the time travel motif to simply shift GWAR from one set piece to the next, this third issue builds off of that - there are repercussions here that may (or may not, this is GWAR so who the fuck knows) altar the future of the band, or at the very least, this storyline. It's a fun read. Gory, gross, crass - but also frequently very clever. Lots of nods to the band's past for the fans but it's never overdone, it all works within the context of the story being told.

    It's also interesting that in this issue there's an 'art shift' that again, in the context of what is happening, somehow manages to make perfect sense. When the shift in the story occurs, the shift in the art reflects that and the style gets slightly less cartoonish when it happens. It's a neat trick. Lots of nice detail in the panels and sexcellent use of color as well, the art team has done a great job on this one.

    The last three issues have seen GWAR travelling through time, trying to make their way back to the present to defeat Mr. Perfect, their arch-nemesis. Along the way, they screwed up a lot - they sunk the Titanic, they started some wars, they killed Kurt Cobain - you know, stuff like that. When this fourth and final issue begins, they've arrived in Antarctica where they hope to challenge Perfect and pay him back for killing their fallen leader, Oderus Urungus. If you're not already up to speed, a conversation between some robotic penguins on the first page will get you there.

    GWAR's meeting with Bozo Destructo, who doesn't talk very well and is more interested in hammering them than in teaming up with them. They make some Small Wonder jokes that'll go over a lot of peoples' heads and then eventually Sawborg convinces his 'Destructo' brother to join them against Perfect. All of this is taking place in what used to be GWAR's Antarctic temple, which Bozo has redecorated in his own inimitable style. Before they can fight Perfect, however, they'll need even more help - and they find it in the form of Gor-Gor, the crack addicted baby T-Rex.

    Everyone crams into the giant flying dick shaped spaceship, at which point Bozo wrecks the recently repaired control panel but manages to pilot the ship to present day Antarctica manually. They arrive while penguins make love, and make their way towards Perfect's castle only to find themselves drastically outnumbered by his minions. With no choice but to head back to the ship, they wind up on one last INSANE trip through time… but will they be able to stop Perfect once and for all?

    Loads of pop culture references in this one - no sense spoiling them here but they go after all decades hitting seventies era New York City to eighties era Miami Vice to Calvary Hill to all points in between, wreaking the type of havoc you'd hope they'd wreak along the way. Some well-deserved political digs are made along the way. This happens over a series of double page spreads that are just awesome, loaded with detail and gags aplenty. Movie nerds and music geeks will get the most out of this but there really is something here for everyone.

    As to how it all ends? Not gonna spoil that either but Matt's Miner and Maguire have penned a pretty insane story that, maybe not so surprisingly, leads into GWAR's new album The Blood Of Gods (which we've reviewed here). The humor is crass, at times gleefully stupid, but definitely in keeping with the band's unique brand of monster-heavy mayhem and satirical insanity. The artwork, illustrated by Tom Neely and Maguire and colored by Mark Dale and Josh Jensen, suits the story nicely. Loads of detail here, especially in those double page spreads, you definitely want to take your time to really go over them carefully to get the most out of the book. The fact that the last chapter is dedicated to Dave Brockie and Cory Smoot is a nice touch as well.

    This collected edition compiles not only the fours issues that made up the Orgasmageddon series but also a new text intro from Slave Pit's Michael Derks, as well as all of the original short stories that appeared in the back pages of the original issues, some fan art and a gallery of variant cover art pieces.

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